Last week marked 20 years since my dad died so I’ve been thinking about him a lot. He even appeared in a dream one night which rarely happens anymore. And then I came across this research about wealth and social indifference by Sarah Stanley Fallow, a grad school friend. Her organization researches wealth potential using behavioral analytics.
In the white paper Financial Behaviors and Wealth Potential, social indifference is defined as “behaviors and attitudes related to the spending behaviors and material possessions of others, as well as trends in consumer goods and services.”
Even though the social indifference construct was new to me, I understood it immediately because my father was always rather indifferent to society’s pressures. He was a medical doctor with a good practice. For awhile in his 40s he did the mid-life crisis thing and drove a fast Dodge Challenger but finally settled on driving his Aunt Dora’s hand-me-down 1962 Chevy II. Even after the back seat caught on fire because he threw a cigarette out the window while driving down the highway leaving a giant hole in the upholstery he did not give up that car. Daddy loved to laugh about it being in the doctor’s parking lot at the hospital alongside Cadillacs, Lincolns, and Mercedes.
In like manner, he wore the oldest, cheapest clothes; sometimes patients described him in those terms if they couldn’t remember his name. When not working, he lived in $3 painters pants bought at a surplus store. He absolutely did not care what people thought. I completely understand his indifference now as I’ve grown less and less concerned about what society expects, but as a teenager I was often embarrassed by his car and clothes.
While writing this, two thoughts have crossed my path and I doubt it’s coincidence. One came from Desiree Adaway who shared on facebook, “Dear Sister, What other people think of you is none of your business. A meaningful life is not a popularity contest.”
The other was the daily inspiration from Martha Beck – “There will moments when you really “get” that the expectations you’ve been trying to fulfill are unfulfillable. This epiphany was terrible, because it meant relinquishing the goal of total social acceptance. But it was also the beginning of freedom, of learning to seek guidance by turning inward to the heart, rather than outward to social prescriptions.”
Back to the research of Sarah Stanley Fallow who is expanding on her late father’s work about The Millionaire Next Door. She finds that “social indifference predicts net worth regardless of age, income, or how much wealth one inherits or is given”. I think that is just fascinating.
Before my father’s funeral they asked family to gather for a prayer before going into the service. If I remember correctly, everyone wanted to be a part of that circle. He may have been socially indifferent but Daddy left this world very rich in friends.
Would love to know your thoughts on this. Comment below.
Just because a bigshot or prominent organization does something, doesn’t make it right. Evaluate actions you hear and read about against your values. I say this because behavior modeling is one of the most fundamental ways that humans learn and it includes modeling both positive and negative behaviors. If you’ve ever let a bad word slip in front of a toddler, you know this to be true.
A few weeks ago my friend Cheryl directed me the back way through New Orleans from Napoleon and St. Charles to City Park. The streets are undergoing infrastructure work in addition to the normal bumps and potholes that happen when you exist below sea level. Cheryl happily told me anything above 30 miles an hour just isn’t possible. It was wonderful to slow down and enjoy a beautiful drive with a friend.
Welcome to the latest incarnation of my business website! Over the years my site has had a variety of looks but this is my favorite so far and I am excited and proud to share it with the world.